Pucker Up, Citizen Mueller

Robert Mueller resigned. He spent 9 minutes and 37 seconds saying nothing. Is this what they teach you at law school? How to whimper instead of man-up?

If ever I thought I wanted to be a lawyer, yesterday was proof beyond all reasonable doubt that I made the right decision to forgo crippling student debt and throw myself at the comedy open mic.

What an expensive waste of time! Not only law school but the office of The Special Counsel. On this level, I happen to agree with Donald Trump when he calls it “presidential harassment.”

But when he gripes, as he loves to do between taking mulligans, about facing “the greatest presidential harassment in history,” you’d think The Birther Lie he perpetuated was little more than presidential tiddlywinks.

Donald Trump is a racist.

Donald Trump is a narcissist.

Donald Trump collaborated with a hostile foreign power.

If Nancy Pelosi doesn’t want to step into the historical moment, if Nancy Pelosi honestly believes impeachment is a “Fool’s Errand” instead of her constitutional obligation as Speaker of the House, then I have to insist, Madame Speaker…

PASS THE GAVEL.

Why did you run with such fervor to be Speaker of the House? For the photo-ops? Don’t get me wrong, you look great swaggering out of the Oval Office in sunglasses with your lapdog Chucky, but more important than anything else, this is your job: Impeachment.

Robert Mueller is now a citizen. Issue a subpoena, drag him before The House, put him on the hot seat, for hours and hours, over and over, make Robert Mueller read his stupid report out loud, for hours and hours, over and over, like a bedtime story for constitutional democracy.

Use every tool in your congressional toolbox to exhaust the facade of stoicism.

You think We The People are comfortable spending all of that money so The Special Counsel could whimper his way into a book deal, thinking of himself as a hero, thinking of himself as a patriot?

You can kiss my ass, Citizen Mueller.

2 thoughts on “Pucker Up, Citizen Mueller”

  1. You are a Jewish senior citizen. Take that in. This is the blog of an undergrad. Use your senior discount at the movies and for McDonald’s 35 cent coffee and dare I say…….start acting your age!

    1. Undergrad? My writing voice is Elm Place Junior High, 8th grade recess.

      I don’t like discounts. I don’t like Groupons. I like paying full price, since it helps business owners make payroll. I like paying my taxes, especially when we wage fake wars on the basis of fake WMD’s.

      I do like coffee. These days, I’m enjoying The Nitro at Starbucks, black & lightly foamed. Thanks for commenting, Marvin The Meek. See you at recess for your noogie!

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