The critics are unanimous!
Congress must end this circus. William Barr is an Accessory After The Fact. He must be held in Contempt for his refusal to respect the Subpoena. Kellyanne Conway must be arrested for violating The Hatch Act. Vice President Mike Pence must relinquish his Faith, since God perceives mankind as a collective eye roll.
How much more of this bigtop shitshow are we willing to take?
Democrats are baby seals, blowing useless horns. Republicans are bearded ladies, throwing knives. And I’m up there, on the high wire, without a net, wondering what happens when I get sick, how do I pay for medical care after I burn through my savings, does the rule of law even matter, just how racist are we, just how spoiled are the 53% of white women who were turned on by the Hollywood Access Bus?
The problem I have with the circus is the smell of shit. It’s everywhere! How can anyone eat cotton candy when you’re surrounded by the smell of shit?!! Denial is a powerful addiction. If I could put denial in a dimebag, I’d make a killing on the corner. Forget legal weed, I’m doubling down on black market denial – the margins are better.
It doesn’t matter if he wins. You can’t win and maybe that’s the point, maybe this is the new normal in America.
Every president should expect to be impeached and maybe sent to jail. This is the new normal in America so make peace with it before you run for office, keep a custom orange jumpsuit in the Oval Office for the inevitable photo-op.
Incidentally, you know who I’m tired of hearing about? The American People. Who are they? Does anyone out here really feel like they belong to the exclusive club of The American People? I don’t. It feels like a pitch, a robocall to losers who were denied access to Mar-a-Lago, the way they repeat it over and over, trying to hypnotize us into believing we are The American People.
THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.
THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.
You know what we are? We’re the viewing audience, that’s it, that’s all we are. They’re selling us bullshit and we’re tuning in for the clumsy pitch. Impeachment is the infomercial and it’s time to admit we’re all tuning in to buy a side.
On my side is justice, fairness and the kink of seeing William Barr perp walked. You gotta love Donald Trump. He knows how to cast a circus. He’s the ringmaster of the biggest shitshow on earth.
Caveat Emptor used to mean let the buyer beware, which seems appropriate but it gives us too much credit. We don’t deserve the credit. We’re too lazy. So let me offer an amendment to Caveat Emptor, let the voter beware!