Troll Love

I’ve been getting attacked by Trolls online for the better part of 14 years. It started at my 1st restaurant and the trend amplified with my 2nd restaurant.

Metromix was the Original Yelp, a local website pretending the reviews were fair & local. But having lived on the receiving end of fair & local, let me tell you what it’s really about…

People who need to get laid blowing their miserable load. It ain’t a portal to happiness, people, it’s a computer screen so get over it and get over yourself and get outside before the day passes you by.

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Burst of Water

Heart Face Winky Kiss

The Food Network got in touch with me about doing a show but they wanted me to address the comments on Yelp. I agreed. It was the best thing I ever did. Most of the comments were hurtful, the avalanche of abuse launched in my direction was overwhelming.

There was a short term consequence…

I lost the ability to sleep through the night, even my dreams were punishing. But I hung in there, addressing every comment, and slowly, despite a chronic case of Stockholm Syndrome, since I was learning to identify with online captors who relished in keyboard sadism, I got to the other side.

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Bomb

Thumbs Up

On the other side of Backlash is a Tidal Wave of Love. It sounds insane, and I certainly think The Food Network was wrong, but now I’m face-to-face with my super power.

The other day, I was texting with Lex. We were talking about identity, a common theme in our conversations, a common theme in our songs. I was telling him something I’ve said a thousand times to myself, as I coached myself to smile through the anguish of online abuse, that I’ve reassembled myself with duct tape and silly putty.

This is what Lex said.

“You’re definitely assembled with duct tape. Not silly putty, though. More like LEGO’s. LEGO’s are colorful. You can take them apart and use the same pieces to put something new together. Also, if you step on one, IT REALLY HURTS!!!”

Strong Arm

Heart

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I’d rather blow them off. I’m lucky! I’ve spent more time alone than in relationships and the one thing I’ve learned from the end of a relationship is to let yourself cry for 3 months, at around 2AM, staring up at the ceiling, telling no one about it for sympathy, letting it stop happening when it stops happening, naturally. Then move on. Don’t go for the win. Don’t build the case. Don’t lash out. 

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Mouse

Puffy Cloud

Let them go. At some point when you least expect it, they always circle back and when they circle back, you’ll be able to smile through it, nod your head in agreement, walk away with dinner plans you have no plan on keeping, unless you do.

Fuck it.

The trick is not letting broken people set the terms and that’s what you are if you think you can lash out on Yelp, if you think you can sue the people you’re lucky enough to love, if you think you can lash out in my comments. Look at what Lex said to me: “You’re definitely assembled with duct tape. Not silly putty, though. More like LEGO’s. LEGO’s are colorful. You can take them apart and use the same pieces to put something new together. Also, if you step on one, IT REALLY HURTS!!!” Read it. Re-read it. Re-re-read it. That’s how you do it, people.

Celebrate Don’t Eviscerate!

I made it rhyme so the Trolls understand. I love the Trolls, I love my Trolls, I love my broken people, from a distance, in dreams where the dreams are no longer punishing.

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Heart

Money Flying with Wings

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