Woke up to a text message from my college roommate.

“The Vegas shooter: not an immigrant. The Sandy Hook Shooter: not an immigrant. The Charleston Church shooter: not an immigrant. Aurora Movie Theater shooter: not an immigrant. Texas Church shooter: not an immigrant. Columbine shooters: not immigrants.”

This is why some friendships make the journey across time, and no matter where you are in life, or what you’re doing, you can count on them to let you know they watched The State Of The Union because they’re just like you, a masochist.

Gabby Gifford’s shooter: not an immigrant. Dark Knight shooter: not an immigrant. Muscle Car Nazi who ran over Heather Heyer in Charlottesville: not an immigrant.

The list could go on. But what’s the point? Donald Trump made his point: immigrants are killers.

He used grieving families as a stage prop to bring home his point. Call it what you want – heartless, vindictive, cruel – it made for great television.

This is why Hillary Clinton lost.

Remember when Donald Trump brought all of the women who accused Bill Clinton of cheating on his wife to the debate? It underscored the point: Hillary was to blame. Call it what you want – cheap, lowdown, vile – it made for great television.

Speaking of the idiot inside the box, The State Of The Union is “Must See TV.” 

The only people who can afford to boycott are Senior Citizens who miraculously made it to Social Security before it’s dismantled, Senators with guaranteed pensions and Crybaby Grown Ups.

If you don’t watch The State of The Union, then you’re a Crybaby Grown Up.

Looking the other way never solved anything. Jesus looked the other way. In fact, Jesus took it up a notch by turning the other cheek. And what happened? They nailed his fucking ass to a fucking cross.

Jesus Motherfucking Christ!

After the State Of The Union, I heard Stormy Daniels was going to be on Jimmy Kimmel. I don’t know how I heard about this, since I don’t watch late night talk shows. But I did. So I tuned in and was reminded why I don’t watch.

Stormy Daniels was on a talk show but she couldn’t talk about anything, since she signed a non-disclosure agreement.

Here I was, looking for a laugh, after being tortured by a presidential lunatic for 80 minutes (9 minutes shy of the record), and the porn star couldn’t slut shame the presidential lunatic because the porn star signed a non-disclosure agreement.

How’s that fun?

I tuned in for some quality slut shaming. Not Stormy Daniels, I didn’t want her to be slut shamed, since I don’t think of her as a slut. I think of her as a porn star. I wanted her to slut shame the presidential lunatic, for fun, for nothing more than fun, on a late night talk show, where fun is what they’re selling.

Listen.

Jimmy Kimmel is selling laughs. Story Daniels is selling orgasms. And Donald Trump is selling white rage. It begs the question: what am I selling? I don’t know yet. But I can tell you what I’m no longer interested in selling…

Pastrami.