Libya Model For Idiots

As a way for Kim Jong-un to dismantle his nuclear weapons, The Libya Model has been suggested for North Korea. Problem is, Gaddafi ended up on his knees. Don’t get me wrong, it was a good look for Gaddafi. But I don’t think he liked cupping Uncle Sam’s balls.

I like the idea of models. It’s fun! Since John Bolton started this quirky trend, I think it’s only fair to suggest a model for John Bolton like the Abu Ghraib Model, where he’s photographed naked, his God is mocked and to scrub behind the ears he’s water boarded, since we all know it’s not really torture.

Donald Trump gets the I’m Not A Crook Model, where he resigns in disgrace before he’s impeached like Richard Nixon. I can only think of two problems with this model and by two problems I mean two words: President Pence.

Mike Pence gets the Buried Up to his Neck in Sand on Fire Island Model, where naked men dance around Pence until he relinquishes the office of the presidency, forgives his younger self for wanting to kiss a boy and spends the rest of his life swallowing the magic salty elixir of love.

Steve Bannon gets the Kill Yourself Model. Please know this for sure, as a nation of the people, by the people, for the people, we will surely miss Anthony Bourdain, Kate Spade and Chris Cornell. They lifted those around them and made the world a better place. But the world will little note nor long remember Bigot Bannon, the racist badge wearing neanderthal (sorry to neanderthals for the offensive comparison).

Melania Trump gets the Stockholm Syndrome Model. Minus the sympathy, since Melania chose this path. She can bunk with Ruth Madoff.

Fox News gets the Truth & Reconciliation Model, where everyone involved in working at the network, from anchors to key grips, from executives to the craft service table admits to the depth of their depravity, where if and only if they are fully believed, then and only then are they granted permission to live another day, duct tape over their mouth, Sean Hannity mask over their head, roaming the face of the Earth backwards in heels.

Who’s the ape in heels now, bitch?

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