Good Problems

Kanye West blew into the Oval Office for a meeting with President Trump as Hurricane Michael was devastating communities along the southeast coast of America. You might wonder why Donald Trump went ahead with the meeting when there were such pressing matters.

But I get it. Business is an exercise in solving problems.

If you’re a restaurant guy with a fabulous menu but no asses in seats, that’s a real problem. If you’re a divorce attorney with a client who’s being terrorized by an abusive spouse but the judge you’re standing in front of happens to be your ex-wife and she hates you with her whole heart, that’s a real problem. If you’re a president with a Category 4 Hurricane headed inland with a maximum wind gust of 129 mph that’s uprooting trees in its path thanks to the warming waters of climate change, that’s a real problem.

But Kanye West putting on your red baseball cap so he can shower you with publicity and give you a hug is what the business world calls “a good problem.”

Sometimes the best way to handle a real problem is taking your cue from the world of addiction and playing take the focus off the focus. On the surface it looks like you’re being irresponsible but sometimes the best way to point yourself in the right direction is to bend the arc of the rational universe in the direction of nonsense.

It’s fun!

And fun is underrated especially when you’re stressed out.

That’s why rich assholes golf, poor schmucks day drink and well-adjusted grown-ups renovate their kitchen. There’s something soothing about going back and forth in your mind between a low-arc sink faucet in a matte-gold finish versus a mid-arc sink faucet in vibrant brushed gold.

Today Elizabeth Warren released DNA Tests which confirm her Native American Ancestry. This means Donald Trump owes her a million bucks. Only here’s the problem: Donald Trump didn’t make the bet to honor the bet, Donald Trump made the bet to get under Elizabeth Warren’s skin.

This problem is called ouroboro, the snake eating itself. Once again Democrats are swallowing their midterm chances by treating CNN like a civics lesson instead of a shitshow. They should study the shitshow of President Trump’s appearance last night on 60 Minutes.





No regard for facts.

Constantly interrupting.

Throwing a toddler tantrum: “I’m the president and you’re not!” I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen. It was fun. If only Elizabeth Warren would embrace the nickname “Pocahontas” and call Donald Trump “Big Chief Pussy Grabber,” then Democrats might have a shot at winning in the midterms. But she’s above it and that’s why she will spend the rest of her time in Washington whining in split screen on CNN instead of pulling the levers of power, instead of lifting thoughtful judges to the Supreme Court, instead of holding criminal bankers accountable, instead of eradicating poverty, instead of knocking Vladimir Putin off his white supremacist high horse, instead of freeing students from crippling debt, instead of passing Health Care For All, instead of dismantling The NRA, instead of ending the epidemic of gun violence, instead of getting phone calls from childhood friends calling The White House to talk about something weighing heavily on their mind, “I feel weird calling you Madame President.”

You know, the good problems.

3 thoughts on “Good Problems”

  1. Are you stupid? Putins got nukes and he’ll use them if he’s seriously threatened. We’re the party of peace and not war! NRA assholes are one issue voters, we’d lose 48 States if we try to investigate gun violence, let alone dismantle the NRA. Healthcare for all and school loans could be done but we need to have an honest conversation with the American people. Yes, we will raise taxes, if you want to fix this shit show we’re ALL going to have to chip in. The Democrats won’t tell the middle class the truth, we have to raise taxes and revenues in this country, there’s no way around it.

  2. Elizabeth Warren has to go back 10 generations to find a non-white person in her family lineage. Warren is extremely, extraordinarily, almost completely white. Way whiter than the average whitey. That’s the real headline here.


  3. Donald should announce Pence is our and Kanye is the VP. Pence is plotting the downfall of Trump; he wrote the “letter.” Kanye could bring his porn star wife into the White House and Trump would love it long time. Kanye could keep the press busy in confusing daily speeches as Trump destroys the country faster.

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