There was a missile scare today in Hawaii, when residents and tourists were warned there was an incoming missile from Pyongyang, the capital of North Korea.

Emergency Alerts went out across the island: “Ballistic Missile threat inbound to Hawaii. Seek immediate shelter. This is not a drill.”

The alert, sent by the Hawaii Emergency Management Agency, was revoked nearly 40 minutes after it was issued. But it was enough time for everyone on the island to reassess their life choices.

“I’m done being a lawyer,” said a local named Kayla. “I’m going to write a rock opera, where gavels become drum mallets, objections are expressed as interpretive dance, and to keep the prison industrial complex the financial engine of America, non-violent drug offenders will be freed. They’ll be replaced with members of congress.”

“I’m leaving my marriage,” said Jada “I’ve been married to the same man since college. For 37 years! Did I say man? I meant boy.”

“I like being a CPA,” said Kekoa. “I’m not changing a thing. I liked all the excitement. I liked all the action. I was hoping it was the end. It’s been coming. This is what we voted for. I was ready to say aloha to whatever’s on the other side of the Nuclear Button.”