Keeping Up With The Clemency

Kim Kardashian met with President Trump, trading a photo-op for clemency. Never underestimate the power of a diplomatic booty call. Alice Marie Johnson got a second chance.

Thank you, Kim. Thank you, Mr. President.

Reality TV just got Real.

This is such good news it’s tempting to question the motives of President Trump. But I say get over yourself. Our prisons are loaded with non-violent drug offenders. President Obama had the chance to grant clemency to Alice Marie Johnson and he passed. When I think of all the lucky breaks I got along the way, all the friends of mine who smoked weed and never got caught or sold weed and never got busted, I can honestly say the only difference between us and Alice Marie Johnson is we’ll never meet Kim Kardashian…after spending 21 years in prison.

Now there’s talk of Dennis Rodman joining the diplomatic team for the North Korea Summit. I say why not? Whatever works. I’m not going to spend 8 years hating everything about Donald Trump. I lived through it when Barack Obama was president and no matter how good the news, it was always twisted into something nefarious.

He wasn’t born here. He’s Muslim. He’s gay. He hates America. He’s gonna take our guns. His middle name is Hussein. It was exhausting and it came with a cost: the sanity of those who spent 8 years lying to themselves until they could no longer recognize the truth.

I’m going to tell you a few things I like about President Trump. Ok?

I thought he ran a fantastic campaign in the GOP Primaries. At one point, Jeb Bush spent $130 Million dollars to Donald Trump’s $2 Million Dollars and Donald cleaned Jeb’s clock. I’ll always be grateful to him for ending the Bush Dynasty.

I had no problem with the jawboning on The Hollywood Access Bus. To me it sounded like shit talk. On the flip side, I’m pro-blowjob which means I had no problem with Monica Lewinsky. I like flawed people, men and women. I’ve noticed flawed people can’t sleep and so they get their asses out of bed and do their jobs like their life depends on it, since all too often it does depend on it because going home is risky business when your spouse wants to kill you.

I was glad when Comey got fired. Because fuck him. I was happy to see the prisoners released from North Korea. Because people aren’t bargaining chips.


Alice Marie Johnson is getting out of prison and it’s great news. Take it in. If all you do is hate on Donald Trump, you’re gonna make yourself crazy and there’s better things to do with your time than making yourself crazy. Go find someone to advocate for.

Kim did. Try keeping up.

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