John Kelly Fan Club

John Kelly is an honorable man. If by honorable you mean someone who looks into the black eye of Rob Porter’s ex-wife and empathizes with the knuckles of the husband.

John Kelly is an honorable man. If by honorable you mean someone who sees nobility in the cause of Robert E. Lee to steal the dreams from generations of black people.

John Kelly is an honorable man. If by honorable you mean someone who serves at the pleasure of the nation’s top ranking racist, Donald J. Trump, the Birther-In-Chief.

It’s starting to look like the writers are writing John Kelly’s off the show. They’re weaving his exit into the narrative. But I protest! His resignation is a mistake. The storyline is too much fun.

John Kelly was introduced to the viewing audience as the 4 star general who would bring order to the chaos surrounding Trump. Turns out, the premise was faulty. This is not a white house built on integrity. This is a white house built on drama.

As a member of the audience, it should be clear by now we crave instability. We root for racism. We tune in for the thrill of cringing as families are separated from each other. The ratings have never been higher because the bounce house has never been more terrifying. Last week alone…

The market tanked.

Then rebounded.

Then tanked.

Then rebounded again.

Good news for Hedge Fund Managers. Bad news for 401K’s.

There was a government shutdown.

Then there was a deal.

The government shutdown again.

Then there was a deal.

Good news for Gringos. Bad news for Dreamers.

I feel for Dreamers. They were protected by Obama whose executive orders were well intended, but limp-wristed. Now they’re being terrorized by Trump whose executive orders are cruel, but Viagra firm. You have to hand it to President Trump, he’s a man of his word. There is no subtext in Reality TV.

Speaking of episodic political hackery, John Kelly is perfectly cast as Donald Trump’s hapless sidekick. He’s a 4 star general whose 4 stars hold the same weight as the stars mommy puts on the refrigerator when you finish all of your broccoli, ask politely to be excused from the table, finish your homework and apologize to your little sister for dragging her out of the shower by the ponytail and punching her in the face.

As a fan, I’m begging the showrunners, please don’t write John Kelly off the show.