Donald Trump, and everyone on the dark side, bought the Birther Lie. They spent the 1st year of his presidency undoing everything they attributed to the Kenyan Prince.

The trouble is, we replaced the Kenyan Prince with a Soviet Gimp. The irony is, the dark side worships at the altar of white nationalism.

Using the power of the force, Obama spent the 1st half of his presidency turning the country around and the the 2nd half of his presidency setting us on the right course. Using the power of the farce, Trump spent the 1st year of his presidency being a crybaby and the 2nd month of his 2nd year smashing everything in his playpen to bits.

If you’re surprised by the Trump Stock Crash, then you’re not paying attention. You can only sabotage the momentum you’ve been handed for so long, before it crashes. Then you throw a fit. And by throwing a fit I mean you throw a military parade, third world style. It’s conventional wisdom that when the people are starving you give them parades. By conventional, I mean it’s written in the owner’s manual of the dark lord’s handbook.

I know we still think we’re still living in a constitutional democracy. It’s important we think this way for as long as possible, so they can steal all of our wealth before stealing all of our dignity.

The other day, while boarding The Death Star, a gust of wind blew Donald Trump’s hair. As it raised up from behind, it looked like Darth Vader’s head once the helmet is removed and we get a glimpse of what it really looks like to be a good man who buys the lie and sells out the galaxy.

Turns out, it wasn’t a galaxy far, far away. It was just across the tarmac.